WHAT HAPPENED?????

Well as a 'lifestyle' blogger it is normal that we share our lives on our blog.  And this I do, I share decorating projects, birthday parties, family news, sad news, happy news.

Well a few weeks ago I shared a post with news we were expecting baby #6....also a video of my kids reaction.  All was good but unfortunately something went wrong.

Last week when I returned to the doctor for a follow up ultrasound to check on a small blood clot that was present 2 wks prior.   The baby's heartbeart was no longer present....doctor said the baby was measuring smaller which means somewhere in those 2 wks it stopped thriving.  I now have to wait for natural miscarriage or schedule surgery....what a decision!

I was shocked and saddened but kept my composure while in the office, because I still needed to get bloodwork.   The kicker was that I had to take a taxi cab to the doctor because I could not find my truck keys earlier that morning.   So I now had to stand outside and wait for a cab.

I walked outside and it was still a gloomy grey day outside, none the less I threw on my Jackie O shades and started to walk....I don't know why but I did.  It was my old neighborhood so didn't bother me.  I just walked and thought oh I'll go to the bank (???)  So I walked about 10 blocks balling my eyes out as I walked down the street.  I played back what I had done, did I overdue it.  What about those heavy boxes I lifted, whatever I could think to blame myself I did.   Then heard the doctors voice "you know you did nothing to make this happen right?" I never answered her.  So I continued in my thoughts and my self blame.

My phone alerts were going off, my daughter asked how the baby was...I text her the news.  My friend Liza texted me and I texted her the news....all as I walked, cried and texted.    Then my phone rang and it was my friend Liza...I didn't want to answer but thought it would be rude, but I was still crying out of control.  I answered, she spoke....I lost it.  I couldn't speak, she just kept speaking to me, she told me how sorry she was and that she understand.   And I know that she did, we have been down this road with each other before...I walked she talked, I asked her to hold a minute, tried to gain my composure and then we had a short conversation.

My phone rang again and it was my beautiful California girl Paulette, who I just recently become close to on facebook through 2 other fabulous ladies Barbara and Angela.    I couldn't go through the phone convo again especially since this would be the 1st time she ever heard my voice.  I felt horrible to let the call go, but I couldnt do it again.  I know think to myself how amazing that she took the time and reached out to me in my time of need.

I took my cab and came home, crawled into bed and laid there with tears streaming down my face for hours. My daughter came in and checked on me, brought me a drink...gave me a hug and a kiss but wouldnt look at me (she was taking it hard because the baby was due on her birthday)

While in the cab I posted to my personal facebook "the lord giveth and the lord taketh away" that is the one thing that stuck in my mind.  I wasnt angry....that's a lie, I was!  But not with God, I had given myself and said to him when I found out that I will follow whatever path he puts me on.  

Apparently my friends all read very well into that phrase...I started receiving texts, facebook notifications and posts on my wall.   My phone alert (which is the Godfather theme by the way) played all afternoon long as I lay in bed.  Not a very cheerful tune but kind of fitting for my mood.

I felt sorry for myself for hours, but then just thought to my self how blessed that I am.  I have an amazing husband who loves me, 5 beautiful healthy children who I love and adore, and Im going to fulfill my childhood dream of opening my own shop in less than a month.  I had to get up and feed the kids for dinner so I did.

So I rationalized that this baby was meant to be in heaven with God and our 2 other angels that are there as well.   I don't pretend to know the reason why this happened but I am going to just take it as a lesson of life.

So this is 'WHAT HAPPENED' now for those of you that were wondering by the comments from friends on both personal and Lucky 7 Design page.


A German philosopher once said:
That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger!


I have something to add to that, and in the sadness of this all..it is now a joke among friends.


That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger.........I'm now a Superhero! 




Thank you all so much for you love and support for me and for my family.  It is truly amazing the connections you can make and friendships created.

-MJ

BREAKING NEWS......

Well it's been leaked here and there and I have given my secret up to a select few already but I am now announcing to you all!

WE ARE EXPECTING BABY #6!

I use to be that girl that was like "I have to wait to tell" either way what will be will be...so if something happens along the way you will hear about that too.  But I have put my trust in God.

It is still very early, I am only 6 weeks but this is what my belly looked like at just about 6 months. I know scary isn't it.  We make big babies......no really the last 2 were ounces shy of 10lbs.

The 1st ultrasound went well and the heartbeat was present.  However also present was a blood clot, so I am  a little nervous about that since Ive never experienced this with any of my other pregnancies.   I go back for a follow up in 2 weeks.   I have faith that all will work out as it should.  It is in God's hands... as well as my fabulous OB/GYN , we have a female doctor this time!  Woohoo Dr. S!

God is good, and I trust in the path that he leads me along.    I am nervous, scared and excited all at once.  They say God never gives us more than we can handle, and so far I have taken it all on and come through stronger.

The sweet side to this story is that my dad's passing and the blessing of this baby coincide.   I read once that when someone passes that a child then takes their soul.  It would be a blessing for this baby to have a little part of my dad.

As most of you already know, Im the mama of 5 children.   4 girls and 1 boy......Gabriella 17, Alexander 13, Adelina 11, Samayah 5, Kemorah 23 months.

So in addition to maintaining my household, caring for my 5 children and husband as well.   I am due to open my very own physical home interiors shop in March!  I have less than 30 days to get my furniture painted and my pieces organized and then the store set up in 7 days....Yea I guess I like a full plate!

This is going to be BIG year for me......literally!

Here is the video of us telling the kids last night!!!!

-MJ